Silent Depression

We all have either heard of depression, know someone who suffers from it or have suffered from it ourselves. Yet so many of us are not accepting of the illness and the impacts its has on people. I bet you yourself have suffered a time or two from some sort of depression...

Our society tends to shame or ignore those with mental illness, and I want to change that ~ Demi Lovato

The Silent Depression

This topic has been weighing heavily on my mind recently. While I have myself suffered from depression I associate more as a situational depression, a short-term type of depression that is a result of a major life change which one considers traumatic. While many may mock you or say things like it was just a breakup, a job loss, or accident to move on get over it, for us who suffer it is not that easy. In my situation I was in a relationship and while it was not always the best one, it was not that horrible either. I was in love, truly and still am in love with the man who was not in love with me. Of course, he waited a few years before divulging that to me and well here we are. I am battling depression and have for almost a year now, silently.

Depression comes in many forms and has many names such as the most common ones Seasonal, Bi-Polar, Manic, Depressive and even Postpartum Depression. I have watched friends and their children suffer many phases of these types of depression. Unfortunately, I have also seen friends suffer because their children lost the battle to depression and/or mental illness of some type. It is not something I would want anyone to have to go through and endure. You do not need to experience to have empathy and sympathy for mental illness. We certainly should not be telling the ones who suffer to man up, get over it or just relax. If only society had more knowledge on how to understand the illness maybe, we would not feel the need to be so silent about it.

As I ventured through my depression it started off typical, I was sad, upset, angry, cried and binge watched movies and ate chocolate. What I was not prepared for was the beast lurking behind me that slowly detached me from life, friends, social settings and invited me into a solitude world where the darkness and sleep were my only solace. By the time it occurred I had no idea, why....because every day I woke up and put on my makeup and smile and went to work, cleaned the house, went grocery shopping and even went to church all to maintain an outward visual that all was well in my life. I tried self-appreciation and bible apps to make me feel motivated. If only I could see that was a front, but I was so immersed in my world of darkness I truly thought I was being normal and happy.

That is how vicious depression can be...You think you have control; you think you are hiding it or controlling it, but it controls you. Now imagine if this were due to mental illness where you couldn't make heads or tale from reality and this dark world. There are some people in this world that cannot control the chemical makeup of their brain and suffer from this just because one area won't connect to another chemically. Imagine how frustrating that is for them. They cannot talk themselves into a better place and eventually suicide seems the only logical answer to save them and protect the ones around them. Major Depression affects 16.2 million people in the US alone and with degrees of psychotic and persistent depressive disorders accompanying that making this a very serious illness that needs attention.

I am on what I hope to be the tail-end of my depression because I'm choosing to acknowledge it and talk about what caused it. But for many it isn't that simple unfortunately. Because there are factors like PTSD, which I do suffer from due to an abusive relationship, however it has gotten better over the years and my triggers are not as severe. But many with PTSD, especially military, police and fire, it is much harder to let go of what you have seen, had to do because of your job. We see the homeless vets and some of us may have even judged them as alcoholics or crazy. Yea well that they may be but why, have we ever stopped to think why... No, we cannot rescue each one off the streets and save them unfortunately. Then we see the young kids serving taking their lives, I have unfortunately known a few moms whose children have suffered depression, PTSD and/or mental illness and took their lives. While I have no idea what to say as nothing, I can say will ever bring their son or daughter back, it does make me think why this a new phenomenon in today’s media is. Mental Illness and Depression have been occurring for many years, yet now it seems to be at the highest, is it the media or the lack of attention to positive mental health in the world, school, families, work, life.

I wish I could answer as to why the suicide rates have increased, why the depression marker was missed .... but I cannot. I can only hope to educate people on the many phases and levels of depression and what causes it from chemical imbalance, PTSD to life situations itself. I can offer hope for those who are suffering that there are people who understand, care and won't try to tell you how to be rid of it. I stayed silent so long because I felt no one would understand and I don't need someone to mother me just listen without judgement. it took some major hiccups with my job and financial status in my depressive state to help me see I need to and can overcome this. Am I cured, no. Am I going to be OK, yes! Am I here for those who wish just to talk without being judged, absolutely! Anyone who needs an unbiased nonjudgmental ear can message me at supermomwrites@gmail.com.

For those who need immediate help please consider making call before making a decision that will never allow the ones who love you to help you.

National Suicide Prevention Line 1-800-273-8255

And for my veterans out there ~ Veterans Crisis line 1-800-273-8255 or text to 838255

Thank you for reading such an important blog and please share so that others afraid to reach out might see it is OK to!