Be Still and Let Love Grow

I often think back to a time when my heart was so ready to love, willing to offer all it had to anyone who would entertain it. Now my heart is so closed off I wonder if it will ever be giving again. Maybe I have over thought the process of love and created a fear in my mind of falling in love again. I have read so many articles on love, finding love, lost loves, and broken hearts. All to realize there is no clear answer to the question I cannot even put into words involving my heart. Then I must ask myself am I dealing with a broken heart that cannot love again or the fear of loving again? The again, could it be that trust is the foundation of my inability to love, or lack thereof.

Love is the ever-elusive feeling everyone searches for in their life yet so many miss the mark, sabotage it or just plain get frustrated and give up. But is love that hard to find or keep? Do we prevent ourselves from finding love because we are so focused on the damages of a broken heart? Sometimes looking back is far easier than to look forward and navigate a new path. Looking down seems to be my way of navigating a path, sure I can see the potholes but I miss the trees that smack me in the head not just slowing me down but stopping me in my tracks. I often place blame on my failure to look up on the things I left behind. Maybe this is God’s way of telling me to stand tall, pull my head up and thoughtfully choose a path I want to walk not just wander aimlessly. I spent so much time focusing on a broke heart I suppose I never actually paid any mind to how to heal it.

I have spent time learning to love myself and while that has been quite the journey, I cannot say I am utterly in love with myself, yet I am content. Hopeless romantic is a sure way to describe me and while I thought it was because I longed for a love I never experienced. I am thinking now it is more the fact I am hopelessly in love with discovering love on many levels. Has this title prevented me from finding love again or am I so focused on looking down I am unable to let go of the past? Therefore, I write, to clear my thoughts, open my mind and discover the dark places in my heart and soul that have been desiring light. I always read that to let the light in something needs to be broken and well I just keep gluing and taping myself back together preventing the light from entering.

Love is certainly something that can vary person to person. How you love, the love that you receive versus the love you give. It all has levels, contrast and can mean different things. So why have I yet to discover the love I ling for? Probably because I get so lost in my thoughts and ideas that I paint a story that is unfolding in my mind that has not even had a chance to bloom. The artist in me can really wreak havoc on one’s thoughts when they are so vividly playing out in your mind. I need to start practicing letting love just to be, on its own, without me manifesting a plan, time frame or desired outcome. I need to take my past heartbreaks and use them as steppingstones and learning tools for better love in the future.

So broken hearts do not last forever, and love can be found over and over every day. If only we allow ourselves to experience the levels of love that exist without trying to define it or manifest it into something it is not. Just like saying Be Still and Know…. Be still and let love grow on its own. I guess even a hopeless romantic can find a way to romanticize that.