"I didn't lose you. You lost me. You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." — R.H.Sin
We all love, and we all endure heartbreak. Some move on like nothing happened, some wallow in the could have been, and then some attempt to relive it with a deeply hidden sense of hope. Then a few of us learn to respect the love we had which further complicates actually moving on. Love is the most complex feeling that molds everyone differently. But when the heart holds on when you have let go, how do you handle that?
I believe I have healed and have no desire to return to what broke my heart, yet every time he has a moment of weakness and reaches out to me, I am there. Why? Why does my heart hold on to someone who had no respect for my hear5t in the first place? I try to chalk it up to I am empathetic and stand by my belief that I really did love him, and when you truly love someone it never goes away just gets put away. I do not want to relive a relationship with him, yet I hate to see him confused and hurt. But is it my job to fix his current suffering in his new relationship? NO. I need to remind myself just because his consciousness brings him back to me for validation does not mean I have to play along, yet I cannot just leave it be.
Love is absolutely tricky and confusing, yet thrilling and daring at the same time. So allowing my heart to be on hold for when he needs validation is pure torture. I have done anything to let go, move on and allow my heart to heal, yet somehow mine holds on as I believe he is as well. Yet, the fact he is in a relationship and reaches out to me to express his grief of not wanting to be in it, I need to remind myself it is not my place to fix it, to fix him or his failing relationship. I need to let him go, his loss, and allow my heart ta break from holding on for so long. I am not failing love or betraying it, I am simply allowing my heart room to love someone else, someone who deserves it. I suppose time is the healer of all that is broken and in time my heart will cut the string but always remember.