Coping not Controlling Stress

It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it. ~Lou Holtz

Stress is quite simply an event, one that seems like there is no ending in sight, yet in hindsight, it was just a blip of a moment in time. I am not sure for others, but I seem to manifest stress into a mountain that I cannot climb.

For years I struggled to control the stress and barely coped with it, all because I believed that stress was something you could tame. It took a few letdowns and breakdowns to realize I have a better chance of controlling the wind. Now I am sure a few of you will say you can absolutely control the wind, if you are that person then go for it. But I am plain exhausted from trying to control every aspect of my life including the stresses that arise. I always wanted the perfect life, husband, kids the house, and lots of dogs. Maybe my urgent need to control everything created stress that I could not control. I have the kids and one dog, but no husband, no house, and barely hung on to my sanity.

I had to realize the hard way that coping was way easier than controlling daily stresses. I had to let go of that leash of control and just accept things for what they are. Yes, that is easier said than done, but it comes to a point when you realize it truly is easier done than said. You just need to have that moment of stress that breaks you, yes you heard me. You need to break in order to bend sometimes. It is at that moment you realize controlling stress is fruitless and exhausting, while coping is calming and allows growth. The most amusing part of that is when you cope, you are not solving anything, fixing anything, or making it all go away. You are simply learning how to deal with whatever stress you are facing head-on! Scary, yes but when you start practicing it you realize the resolutions are less scary than the what-ifs in failure of control.

My Life is absolutely nothing like I planned. I have never been married, raised three kids by myself in essence, and faced some horrific life traumas. But I survived and I learned, I learned not to control outcomes, feelings, or other people’s reactions but cope with everything. I will be the first to admit I am far from perfect and far from fulling letting go of control but each day I am better at it. Stress is going to sneak up, smack us in the face and knock on our door unexpectedly. So instead of immediately trying to control it face it and cope with it. Learn from it, grow from it, and discover ways to better handle it for the future instead of avoiding it. Little secret, when you learn to handle it, the future stress isn’t so terrifying.

Yes, I still have moments of insomnia and my PTSD rears its head, but I am learning to cope with the stress and all that comes from it from every aspect of my life. I am learning to breathe, grow and cope with all the stressors so that I can have a life that is more rewarding. Sometimes you have to say goodbye, walk away, or even make it work in order to overcome a stressor not control it and the ones involved with it. Start thinking in terms of coping not controlling and you just may see a change in how stress affects your life and how you respond to stress.