Relying on Faith When Your Anxiety Sees the Worst

I have struggled with faith for quite some time. I genuinely want to put my all into trust into God, and Jesus for that matter, yet I struggle to trust something I cannot see. I reflect on the bible verse 2 Corinthians 5:7 “For we live by faith, not be sight” many times to completely understand its meaning, to me. When you have anxiety or depression it becomes hard to lose the focus of failure. So how does one balance the overwhelming anxiety enough to lose sight and rely on faith? Pray? Write?

I choose to pray and write though I have never been confident in my ability of prayer. I almost feel inadequate in making such prayers when I truly cannot trust my faith. I have long dealt with anxiety and even bouts of depression throughout my life. Yet, I always seem to bounce back but never really losing sight to the ways of destruction. SO how does one rely on faith when their anxiety sees the worst? I am afraid this blog will be more about the questions I have rather than insight. I sat down and read 2 Corinthians as well as Philippians 4:6 to find some clarity on this faith without sight thing. I can say I am rather envious of those who can simply place their fears into prayers to experience that peace.

In fact, while I have struggled to trust in the faith process, I remain so envious of those in my life who not only rely on faith but embody it in a way that enthralls my attention. I read the word and reflect on it, not as often as I would like too, but enough to have a clear understanding of how deep faith can go. Yet my anxiety always rears its ugly head, maybe it is the fact I take on too much or too many people rely on me. However, I do know at this moment that my anxiety seems to be wining this battle. I can also say I am not one to give up or give in, I am a fighter in my own self right. I want to believe I am worthy of his love, yet I feel I have not shown him I worthy. So maybe my lack of faith falls on my own sense of not feeling good enough.

The most interesting part to my journey with faith is that my bible is worn, full of notes, pray cards and sermon notes. Do I maybe just doubt my own devotion to faith? Am I letting my anxiety take over my true belief in faith? I suppose that is something only I can discover on my own. I genuinely want to just be still and let God, but how can I be sure it will work out? Again, my trust issues come bubbling up. I truly either have a fear of trust or a deep fear of letting go. Probably both. I can offer this, if you to struggle in faith, do not give up, keep reading, keeping trying to put all your belief into faith. I know I have not conceded and soon enough my faith will be greater than any anxiety I experience.