Season of the Favorite Child

It is a long-standing debate that makes most parents squirm in their seats, declaring the favorite child. For many it is a topic that they avoid or answer in a politically correct fashion. Having children is extremely rewarding as well as exhausting job if you will. While we love our children to no ends, we can all agree there is one who makes your head spin and one who just does everything they should. We love all our children the same and would do anything for them, yet we are fearful to declare one is favored over the other. We absorb the stigma if we declare we are not parenting properly or not providing adequate love to the others. These are just that, stigmas. As a mom to three I have always said if you cannot say you have a favorite you are lying, and I love all my kids equally.

There have been studies on the favorite child syndrome and 70-75% of parents admitted having one they favored more than the others. So, if we can honestly answer a survey why such a regard to hide it or justify it when discussing in a group setting. I have always been an advocate that it is human nature to have a favorite and that the favorite can even change over time. Seasons of the favorite child, as they grow and as you grow as a parent it can shift from one child to another. Now, many will say that having a favorite is detrimental to the others. I disagree, unless of course there are some serious unhealthy and toxic behaviors occurring. Yes, there are some parents who resent a child or even think of them as the one they never should have had. That is something far deeper than claiming a favorite.

Seasons of a favorite child depends on the need of the relationship between child and parent. I can admit I have gone through seasons with each of my kids. But my kids will tell you their sister, the middle one, is the “golden child”. They do not harbor ill feelings toward each other, in fact they are awfully close, which also went through seasons and still does. I think if we can lift the stigma of the favorite child, we may unleash more potential as parents to be honest with ourselves and our children. We can break the cycle of one being more important than the other, which adversely many parents confuse importance with favorites. Let us turn this around…. Do you have a favorite parent, grandparent? Ahh yes, we have the mind thinking outside the box now. It does not mean we do not love dad because mom is our favorite. It simply means we resonate with mom more therefore she is our favorite.

The meaning of favorite is “preferred above all others of the same kind” and the meaning of important is “having high rank or status”. Let those definitions sink in for a moment. You are declaring some one you favor more than the others who are just like them, not placing one child over the other in importance. Our love is still the same, we do not love one more than the other, which would make one more important. This here is where I believe parents get lost in the idea that having favorites is bad. They are simply misunderstanding the meanings and confusing the relationship between favorite and importance. So, if you have a favorite and feel guilty, let it go!! Release that guilt and realize you are being human. I also believe that discussing the “favorite” with your kids not only shows them it is a perfectly normal human nature but creates a tighter bond because then you open doors to what you like (not love) about each of them.

I love all three of my kids, but my son is my boy, my hard worker and the one who always looked out for his sisters and still does. The baby, she is the one who drives me crazy because she is so much like me, but so smart she does not even realize how smart she is and her love for life is envious. Then there is my favorite who as a child never gave me resistance, plans everything out, was always good in school and taught me about personal space. You see I did not love the middle one anymore or any less, I simply adored her perspective of the world and her quiet demeanor. While my favorite had changed as they grew up and continues to change as life happens, I love them all the same in their own way. Embracing the season of the favorite child could be more eye opening than you realize.