Self Care: Put it on your list

One of the most over looked requirements to maintain a health mental capacity to be our best self.

. “Put yourself at the top of your to-do list every single day and the rest will fall into place.” – Unknown

Self Care

Everyday we wake up and think of all the things that need to get done, usually that list consists of stuff to complete by 8am. Often, it never includes us. As women, we are nurturers, caretakers, chefs, chauffeurs, teachers and of course the only one who can find that one missing shoe. We wake up and put on our Supermom capes and start our day with a cup of coffee in hand. For years, if I could enjoy a cup of coffee in quiet it was worth waking up at 4:30-5am to do that. I believed that was all the self care I needed. After raising three kids I realize how wrong I was. Don’t get me wrong I still want my cup of coffee in peace in the morning, but it isn’t the only thing I need to stay on track or stay sane.

As mom’s we tend to always out ourselves last and I know a few dad’s that have taken on this role as well. So maybe it is better to say as parent’s we always put ourselves last. For the most part that is OK, but we cannot forget ourselves. I mean think about it, how effective am I at finding that lost shoe that junior threw in a tantrum because he didn’t get the McDonalds toy he wanted, if all I ever did for myself was drink a hot cup of coffee. No, we need to make sure we are placing ourselves on the To-do list as well. This took me years to understand honestly. I was putting things down like take a shower, eat lunch, make sure my own socks matched or even putting the laundry away. It is hard for us to stop and say OK this is what my mind, body and soul needs to be truly happy and enjoy this life that is speeding by. Then I realized something…it doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. Self-Care is not about being in solitude or hiding in a closet with a candy bar, though sometimes you must balance out the day and that may be the moment you need to remain calm and sane.

Self-Care is something that you do deliberately, with individual control that you yourself initiated. Yes, you must decide what it is that brings you back to your happy place and centers your chaotic mind. When my kids were smaller the Zoo is what did it for me and I was enjoying watching them be kids. They loved the zoo and we never had meltdowns or tantrums, just laughs and they could run their little hearts out. I loved seeing the animals and being outside without having to say stop, don’t touch, leave your sister alone. To this day, with my adult kids we still go to the zoo and it is something we look forward to doing as a family. Here is another secret, it is OK if you leave the kids at the sitters or school and go to the zoo alone! Yes, I know how selfish! I did that a few times. Of course, planning self-care is much easier when the kids are grown but none the less important at any age. Even if you do not have kids. Self-care is an essential part of being happy, calm and successful.

I am in my 40s and my kids are grown but I still struggle with finding time or remembering to do self-care. I also have lupus which requires rest and no that is not where your self-care stops. Yesterday I went and had my nails done and with thanks to Publix, I had a glass of wine while grocery shopping. I took a few minutes to stop and enjoy what was around me and not just focus on the shopping list. We all need to learn to make time to slow down, enjoy life and do something nice for ourselves. We don’t all have the luxury of time or even money to spoil ourselves, but we do have the gift of life. We need to make that time even if it means leaving the laundry in the basket for a few hours. Make a list of things that make you happy or calm you. It could be read a chapter in the box collecting dust on your nightstand, sitting outside for 20 minutes in the sun or even going for a quick walk. You don’t have to have grown children either.

When you have little's and you make them a daily chore chart or activity chart start including a self-care hour. Give them options of something that is quiet but enjoyable to them and set up sections in the house for them and yourself. You each pick your own activity that no one bothers the other. You could one a week make a group self-care activity as well. Think about this, you are not only getting your sanity but teaching your kids that self-care is just as important to them as it is to you. I mean yes, they are up your butt 24/7 but do you think they really enjoy the “stop, sit-down, don’t do that” ending in timeout all day. Our frustrations match their frustrations and they are much louder than we are and way more persistent. So, try making a daily activity that include self-care. For us older parents or non-parents make sure you include time for yourself daily as well. Even if it is after dinner and you sit outside with a book, take a bubble bath.

Remembering to nourish our bodies and minds is so important. We are human not computers, which realistically even computers need to be shut off and rebooted from time to time. So start your new to-do list that includes daily self-care and let me know how it benefits you!