Unrequited Love: God’s Work?

"Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another" - John 13:34

I was given the topic of Unrequited Love by a friend to write about. I tossed this topic around for a week or so because how do you write so intimately about something that has so many meanings and levels. We all want to love, and we all want to receive love, but when you do not receive the love you think you should be that truly unrequited? If the love is no reciprocated or even acknowledged does it mean it was not real or that it did not exist? There are so many variables in this topic to address and point out. Yet unrequited love is a major reason for heartbreak in so many relationships. My theory is that we just are not understanding the levels of love along with love languages.

Sometimes I consider myself a love expert as I have loved and been loved on many levels. I read the book 5 Love languages and highly recommend to all. You do not have to be in relationship to understand how love language works and you may even surprise yourself with your own love language. We all have our predisposed thoughts and idealisms on love and how it should work but put those ideas aside for the next three minutes. Think about Unrequited Love, as I did when approached with the topic, and I can say I immediately thought of instances where I was not loved in return. It dredged up so harbored unrest in my feelings as I wondered why I was not good enough or did I really waste that much time loving someone with no reciprocation. Then I decided not to write about it because who was I to hash up old memories and point fingers to ones who did not love me to my standard. I did have a relationship where his exact words to me were “I love you but not the way you want me too”. I finally understand what he was saying.

Unrequited Love is not fruitless for everyone if you truly step back and rely on your faith to see why the love is not be reciprocated. I just read an interesting post from a female who said, “It’s not that he didn’t love me, he was just incapable, and God knew he needed love to get through some dark times”, I stopped and read that over a few times. She continued to say, “sometimes God sees the love we have and places us in situations to share with ones who can’t return the love, because that person needed it more than I did”. Am I striking any familiarity with recent unrequited love moments for you? I sat and pondered this thought digesting its very meaning and reflected with my bible. Yes, God’s word is God’s work...

The Book of John Chapter 13, Jesus prepares for his betrayal but expends his love on his disciples knowing someone was going to betray him. Yet he shared his love and even commanded that they also love another as he loved them. (John13:34 – “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another...”) This may not sound like some fairytale love verse like Corinthians, but it truly resonates a love that does not require to be loved in return. So, when you find yourself loving another and it is not being returned or not being returned to you liking, ask yourself, is this person in a season of darkness? Do they need this love to grow and become a better version of themselves? That was a huge pill to swallow for me, I loved someone with every inch of my heart and his response was that he loved me but not the way I wanted. It took much reflection to understand this and now I respect that statement and still extend the love in my heart because that was God’s work.

We may not always understand why and what God’s path for us is or why we are placed in situations we are but if we can step back rely on our faith the picture becomes much clearer. While not everyone has a background of faith, you too can still reflect on this and realize love is not always a reward given duty but sometimes it is a divine power allowing us to show others what they could not see. I can say I have learned to love more openly and without so many requirements on reciprocation. Because what is love if there are so many demands on how it works?