Writing Through the Storm

“There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t.” ― John Green

Though my journey has been interrupted by life I am still on the path to rediscover myself and settle the ever-churning storm in my mind. I have battled mental health issues stemming from situational moments due to the lack of coping skills. I have packed a toolbox for the storm and even wrote about it, yet I seem to forget to use it. I suppose that what makes this a journey and not just a problem solved. Sometimes when the storm is looming but not active, I just wander the path. Never really addressing the underlying issues or looking ahead.

I have become so accustomed to just getting through the day that I have lost my ability or desire even to look ahead. There lies my issue with permanence, commitment and preparing for the storm. Then I stop on this path and I write, I put it all out on paper and when the storm is swirling, I am in a peaceful zone. It is like being stuck in a tornado and while your being thrashed all around you drift off to a quiet place and forget you are in the storm. I am certain that is a defense mechanism to prevent anything terrible from happening, but it also is not a healthy way of dealing. Mental health is nothing to joke about or even compare with others. It is different for everyone and affects each person drastically in their own way. There is no quick cure, and each person accepts, denies, and deals with it in their own fashion. Interestingly enough when you are told to do this or do that you often reject that form of help because well your mental health doesn't want to accept being told what to do, the storm is in control.

I wish I could find a quick fix, cure, or method to just snap out of it, but creating a lifestyle change that will control the storms is well a journey. Not everyone with a mental health issue can do that either. When a storm is approaching in your mind you slip off into a safe place, mine is solitude and quiet, for others it is a very dark place with greater evils than the storm. When we are in the storm and we try to reach out for help more often than not we are confronted with comparisons, get over it, snap out of it advice and that honestly makes the storm more inviting. I know I will always struggle with this and quite honestly, I am lucky that I am able to center myself into a quiet place, though not completely cure it at this point.

If only the platform for mental health could encompass better empathy, understanding so that others who have no idea what the storms are inside our heads do not try push us further into them. I suppose not everyone can understand mental health issues on the many levels they present themselves but what if the world just became a listening ear and not a mouth full of advice? If there was one thing, I could do is write through the storms to better help others understand that we do not necessarily need someone to fix us but just listen to us.

The last thing we want is someone comparing our storm to a situation they have faced, because we all process situations and moments differently. I am void of most emotions anymore so I may not react the same way as another person, but I feel it deeply within myself and I carry it close to me without anyone knowing. Hopefully, my writing can shed light on a subject all too many openly discuss but are yet to understand the depths and levels of mental health breakdown. if you are ever in need of a listening ear please reach out to me, I completely understand and will never hold anything you say against you. I will simply listen.